Moments

Quirks. We all have them, we all know people who have them, and we can point them out in everyone else. I have a quirk. Or maybe it's not so much a quirk as it is something else I can't think of a name for.

Sometimes, when I'm trying to write, or I'm thinking, or planning, or I'm in that strange place between sleep and awake, I'll imagine moments in my future. Wondering when I will experience these moments, these events, what will be going through my mind when I do. And sitting there or laying there, I tell myself, "Remember this moment." Remember this moment, the rain on the car window and the soft music my family is listening to. The seat belt over my waist and the head rest pressing into my head. Remember all these things when you finally get to that place you're dreaming of in your future.

And some of those moments have come to pass. When we were on the plane to Germany, my mind went back to when I was packing, folding a scarf and wondering if I would be able to sleep on the plane. "Remember this moment." And I did.

Once it has passed, it is gone. I don't always remember the moments because they are for a certain point in my future. I did that yesterday. I don't remember where I was or what it was for, but one day, that moment will probably come back into my memory, and then it will be gone. It's the remembering, if only for a second, that is worth so much.

When change comes, we try to make moments happen. I don't think the importance of memories really hits us until after we graduate high school. Maybe a little as we prepare for this huge step in our lives, but we have a whole summer ahead of us. The freedom of our recent accomplishment, and most likely, friends to share the sunshine and summer with. And then the fall comes, and the change with it. And college is one month away, and whether you're going, or your friends are going, you're lucky if it hits you a month before the goodbyes. It might hit you a week before, or maybe just a couple of days. And you cram as much as you can into the time you have left. Normal things that you do all the time, but suddenly, it's not so normal anymore, because you know this is the last time for a long time.

And you begin creating moments, grasping at the average because you aren't prepared for this. And you tell your parents, "It just hit me that my friends and I are going separate ways. We'll only see each other on the weekends and we'll be too busy to talk all the time. It's just going to be so weird." Be prepared for it to "hit" you several more times before, during, and after your life shifts.

You won't always have a camera to capture a candid smile, a recorder so you can replay the  laughter, or a video cam so you can re-watch the bonding. You don't need those things to remember. You just have live in the moment, you take a deep breath, and you allow it to saturate your heart, to stamp that memory inside you and not forget.

And the goodbyes come, and maybe you'll be the one leaving, going to experience a new adventure that is yours alone, or maybe you'll be the one staying, wondering what's next and crying as your friend leaves you behind. The new chapter of your life is beginning, and all you really want to do is re-read the previous paragraph because it was just so, so good.

In the days to come, all of the changes will "hit" you again, and again, and again. You will get into a new routine, and when you're eating breakfast on the run because you overslept and you grab your books and your mind is filled with all the new things you're learning, there will be a second when everything freezes. You know the feeling, the realization, the moment it "hits" you again. The same thing that happens when you're getting ready for work, washing the sleep from your eyes and putting on your nice clothes because you have to look like somebody. You look up and meet your own eyes in the mirror and....this is now. This is your life. This is what you prepared for, what you wondered was going to be like. And it is here. It's amazing and confusing, it's life and it's yours. It has begun, you've started reading the next chapter. It's wonderful, you love it, but sometimes, all you want to do is go back, read the beginning again, and your heart will crack a little because you know there is no way to go back, no way to recreate precious experiences.

But you will have moments to remember. Sitting at Sonic at 9:30 at night, you sipped your raspberry sweet tea and shared onion rings with your friend and you looked around the picnic table, at the laughter and the sarcasm, the humidity thick in the air, and you thought about how in just a little while, your friend was leaving everyone for six months, you would only be able to talk to her on very sporadic occasions, and you remembered that moment. And you remembered it again when you saw a picture of her with a little baby in the clinic, and the memory was even sweeter.

You remembered the moments, the tang of strawberries and the sweet cream cheese on the fruit pizza your friend brought over for your last non-sleepover sleepover before her wedding, and you knew, in just one week to the minute, you would be standing on a platform, witnessing the biggest change in her life to date. And, one week later, standing on that platform in the pink dress you helped her shop for, fighting back a flood of tears as you watched her kneel and pray with her new husband, you remembered that moment. And were so thankful for it.

So to my friends, to whom these experiences and goodbyes are coming in the next few weeks as some of you go to college, one of you gets married, and the rest of you go back to school or continue with your jobs, remember the moments. Playing volleyball after church in our awesome "new" gym, hanging out on Google, going to lock-ins and birthday celebrations. Remember it all. All the moments, and if you have to, create them so that when you say goodbye, when you sit at church or Sonic and someone is missing, you can transport your mind back to the normal things that are now special occasions. Because yes, what was once something you did all the time now has to be planned, there are time limits and schedules, and each moment becomes sweeter and more special. Capture them. "Remember this moment."