Willa's Birth Story

I wanted to document this story here because even though I journal, I also go back through old blog posts occasionally and read the "polished up" stories of my history. I also love reading birth stories and thought just maybe, there's someone out there who would enjoy reading mine.

We didn't find out the gender of our baby until she was born, but we had a boy name and a girl name picked out from the very beginning - before we even knew I was expecting. We didn't tell those names to anyone, not even our family! They knew the middle names would be mine or Brandon's depending on the gender, but that was all. All along I knew I wanted Brandon to tell me who it was I had given birth to.

I was due on December 17, but I was ready to get that baby out by Thanksgiving. Pregnancy was definitely NOT something I have any fond memories of. It was fun feeling her move, but that's where the good times ended! However, nothing was progressing...at all. I believe I may have had some Braxton Hicks but even that I'm unsure of. I was so incredibly swollen and around 7 months my stomach went pretty numb. I'm not sure what I felt beyond discomfort.

I was at the point where I was going to the doctor every week. At around 36 weeks the baby was already measuring over 7 pound so our bags were packed, carseat installed, and Brandon was instructed to have his phone on him AT ALL TIMES! No one thought I'd make it to my due date but after every appointment I had to text my parents, in-laws, and siblings and say "nothing yet".

Finally, at one of those appointments a couple of weeks before my due date, we went ahead and scheduled to be induced on December 19. I love love love my doctor, and this insured she would be on call and I wouldn't miss her by winding up going into labor over Christmas. Plus, this baby was big and none of us thought my body could handle going much longer.

Sure enough, December 17 came and went like any other day. Then the 18th passed us by, and December 19 was here. That week was an eternity long! It was a Thursday, and I spent the day resting, packing the rest of my things, showering and curling my hair, and I made BLT's for supper. We were supposed to be at the hospital at 8pm so we cleaned the kitchen, then tried to watch a show. I was fighting a panic attack the entire time and broke down sobbing on the way to the hospital. I still get weepy thinking about it. It was our last night just the two of us, and oh how I loved my time just the two of us! Brandon will always be my favorite person in the entire world and I was so excited to give him this gift of our baby but I also needed to say goodbye to this phase of our lives. HE played Christmas music the whole way there and pointed out all the houses lit up for the holiday. It's my favorite season, and how special we were on our way to have the best gift of all.

We got checked in and I got checked and sure enough - NO PROGRESS! It's funny now, but we just shrugged our shoulders. Whenever someone would ask me my birth plan I told them I had one step: get an epidural. I'm honest about my lack of pain tolerance, and I was TERRIFIED of labor and delivery. I knew I would have to "suck it up" for the healing process, so I wanted to enjoy having this baby as much as possible. Being induced isn't ideal and I hope next time I go on my own, but I will always hope for an epidural! It was truly amazing (for me).

They started the induction that night and Brandon and I tried to sleep. I was constantly being checked and his "bed" was pretty awful so it was a sleepless night. I don't remember when they started the pitocin but it was sometime the next day. They ended up giving me a pain killer in my IV that allowed me to get some sleep through the contractions, and then that afternoon the epidural went in. I still wasn't progressing much though, and it was pretty disheartening. I was getting so hungry, and I kept sending Brandon out to drive around, eat something...anything to help him kill time. I had really bad sinus drainage my entire pregnancy and this day was no different. I started feeling pretty sick that afternoon and chugging water and sprite to "fill up" my stomach only helped me empty it. I only thought the past 9 months had been miserable...

I finally started progressing more late in the afternoon. We'd pulled an all nighter and just wanted to have this baby! At some point the epidural rerouted itself and I was in a ton of pain. Brandon talked me through each contraction but I was sobbing and the nurses were doing everything they could to help me. I ended up getting a second epidural and relaxed so much. I was talking about how I couldn't decide between Chick-fil-A or Arby's once I could eat again (I craved fast food the whole pregnancy) but at this point we were getting close to midnight. 

I don't know what time the nurses checked me, but I was finally close enough that if nothing happened in the next couple of minutes they were going to have to get me ready for a ceserean. Like I said, I had a simple birth plan. I only wanted to get my baby here as safely as possible for both of us. They called my doctor, I gave one practice push, and we were good to go! 

I don't know how long I pushed or how many times I did. I remember feeling so sick from the reflux laying flat on my back and they "broke the rules" and let Brandon give me some Tums. He picked a blue one and a pink one and melted all the nurses hearts. 

My doctor was the only one who knew the gender so each time a nurse's shift would end she'd tell the next one to text her when the baby was born and tell her what it was. I will never forget pushing (thankfully not feeling a single thing), and feeling like superwoman with the nurses, my doctor, and Brandon cheering me on and telling me how great I was doing. At 2:45am on Saturday, December 21, the baby was finally born. A misconception about epidurals is that you miss the experience...let me tell you, I did not. I fully enjoyed the experience and knew the second the baby was no longer inside of me. 

I'll never as long as I live regret not finding out if the baby was a boy or girl. The moment Brandon turned back to me and said, "It's Willa" will forever be engrained in my memory. It's a priceless moment to me, one I'd been looking forward to my entire life. I was shocked because I was convinced it was a boy, and the nurses were crying. 

She weighed 8 pounds, 4 ounces, and was 21.5 inches long.

We brought her home on Monday, December 23, 2019.

Our Christmas baby, a little angel.

My niece Josie was born in January two years ago, and my brother brought a huge bag of her pink clothes to the hospital for us!

I believe the "fourth trimester" is real and hard, and I'll talk about that (hopefully) in my next post. Thank you for reading!

our little one

Willa Marie

December 21, 2019

 2:45am

8 lb. 4 oz. 21.5 in.

The best gift of all.

just a little update

"Baby J" due December 17, 2019

I don't know how many people follow my blog that didn't already know we're expecting, but surprise! I went back and forth about whether or not to make an "online announcement" before the baby was born, but I decided enough people know already that I might as well. 

We waited 12 weeks before telling our families and 16 weeks before telling anyone else. It was so much fun having that sweet little secret between just the two of us and I honestly wanted to wait a lot longer than that. However, when you're sick all the time and starting to randomly get swollen, those things become a bit harder to conceal!

For fun, I thought I'd include the answers to the questions I get asked most frequently...

"How far along are you?"

28 weeks! That means we have 12 weeks left if the baby shows up right on time, which is rare.

"How have you been feeling?"

Pretty good right now. I had all day sickness for about 15 weeks but now the only thing I deal with is heartburn and reflux in the evenings. Oh, and intense swelling thanks to the 90+ degree days we're still consistently having, hence the reason I cropped my feet out of that photo! I can't do anything about my puffy face, oh well! (Yes, I've tried putting my feet up, staying out of the heat, moving around, and laying on my left side. I'm drinking around a gallon to a gallon and a half of water every day so at this point it's just a "hold out til the baby's born" thing!)

"What's the gender?"

We don't know! I've never wanted to find out, but it took some convincing for Brandon. I'm loving the added anticipation and I think it will help me get through the final stretch. (The heart rate has stayed right around 140 for those who like to try to guess gender that way.)

"Do you have names picked out?"

We do, but not even our family knows what they are. We've had names picked out since long before we even started trying and we haven't wavered yet!

"What have you been craving?"

Nothing crazy, really. My favorites have always been those of a twelve year old - pizza, hot dogs, french fries, ice cream...now I just want MORE of those things! I've been enjoying chicken salad and dill pickles more than usual too. Big babies run on both sides of our families so I've tried to watch my weight as much as I can but the swelling is adding water weight I can't control. (None of my cravings point towards boy or girl either, according to all the old wives tales.) Oh, and I guess if I gave in to my REAL craving it would be a McDonald's cheeseburger, fries, and mocha frappe every single day. I can't and wouldn't do that but...I may have given in once or twice.

"Have you been feeling the baby a lot?"

Not much at first, but definitely a lot more now that it's getting bigger. Neither me nor Brandon were very hyper children, so it doesn't surprise me that our baby isn't super active. But it is a very amazing (and very weird haha) sensation!

I'm in my third trimester now and very ready for December! Brandon has been the very best during this journey. Making sure the kitchen was clean and "scent free" during those long weeks of sickness, and sending me back to bed the mornings after I've tossed and turned all night. We're surrounded by family and I couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy experience. My sister-in-law Tara is expecting as well and is due just a few weeks before me! 

We are SO excited! Life is flying by and I know December will be here before I know it. I hope you all had a wonderful summer and enjoy a lovely fall!

home

I heard an old song a few days ago that put the subject of home on my mind and I haven't been able to get it off. It's a secular song so I won't recommend it, but it basically talks about the person you love feeling like home. It reminded me of a quote I sent Brandon once that said, "Falling for him wasn't falling at all. It was walking into a house and suddenly knowing you're home."

I remember the night before our wedding sitting on the floor of my old bedroom weeping as I said "goodbye" to the room that had become my haven the past several years. I was at home with my parents until I was 25 and both of my brothers had been moved out for years. The second floor of our house had become somewhat of a secluded place for me and my sister as we had become adults and each of our rooms had our stamp, our touches, our comfort. It was without a doubt "my happy place" filled with my books and journals and pictures and memories on top of memories of hours spent reading, praying, dreaming, hoping. I had said a teary goodnight to my family but as I prepared for bed and the house grew silent I simply sat on the floor, leaned against my bed, and cried for about 20 minutes bidding farewell to the only place I'd ever called home.

One of my favorite quotes is by Anatole France and says, "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

Marriage was a much longed for change for me, but there was definitely some melancholy and I did expect to experience a little homesickness the first few weeks. Surprisingly it never happened. There was once, maybe a month or so after the wedding, that I was back home one afternoon to pick up some things that it got to me just a little. My mom was in the kitchen and I ran up to my old room. I passed Amie reading in her room across the hall and entered the bedroom that at that point still looked just as I had left it. There was a split second that it all hit me that this part of my life - this very big part - was over forever. There was no coming back. But I had already grieved, and someone else had quickly become my home.

Eleven short months later Amie was on her honeymoon. Brandon went on a 3-day ski trip and my dad was preaching an out of town meeting so my mom and I both found ourselves alone in our houses. Given the opportunity to spend a couple of nights in my old bed I came to the surprising realization that it just didn't feel like mine anymore. Whether my house was empty or not, I had created a new space that I was attached to. This place had Brandon's things, Brandon's smell, and if I was going to be without him for a few days I wanted to be in  a place where I still felt him.

Now, six months later as we take more and more steps to starting our "forever home", the place we are now feels more temporary than ever. We've been saying "I can't wait til..." and "It's going to be so nice to..." We never wanted to feel too attached to a rental and I can safely say we have succeeded. But it has been a home for us and it will continue to be for the next several months.

Last night as we laid in bed I listened to Brandon's deep breathing and felt a panic sweep over me. It's been a tough few weeks. We've both been sick and it's been a struggle trying to get better. It's been incredibly hot and we've been wiped out. I'll admit, I've done an extraordinary amount of complaining. But last night, laying there, I couldn't get out of my mind how much I love this life we have. My dad's messages yesterday were on suffering, and with so much of it around us I feel so incredibly blessed, so thankful for these things I do not deserve. My feelings of panic came with the knowledge that this too, is temporary.

We have another home waiting for us. My PawPaw is there. Brandon's Gramma is there. Our grandparents, our parents, so many people we know and love are anxious to be there too. But me? I like my home here. Perhaps I'm too attached. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm not afraid of my eternal dwelling place. I have simply been so blessed by a merciful God, and I am enjoying those blessings with every fiber of my being. I know there is better waiting but my small, carnal mind just can't imagine much better right now. And so this is how I imagine heaven. It's home. I know enough to know that it won't be like I expect, but if I imagine it different I can't fathom it being as good. So to me, it is my home, it is the people I love and am loved by. It is this life I have but without sin and temptation, worry or anxiety.

I hope we can all come to the place where we see our sufferings as God's purification. Where we see the small blessings as infinite joys. Where we can make a beautiful home with our meager earthly belongings, while looking towards a home our finite minds simply can't comprehend.

Heaven will be our best day ever, magnified and multiplied. Heaven is home, and home is the greatest blessing I know.

things i love thursday

Here I am again, over two months later, finally getting a blog post out!

I'm just going to jump right into it...

First of all, I have to go all the way back to Valentine's Day because that's just how long it's been since my last post! It was our first time to attend the Sweetheart Banquet at church, and our first married Valentine's Day. Last year Brandon surprised me by cooking for us so this year it was my turn to be the chef...and I added a bit of decorating as well.

Sweetheart Banquet 2019

at-home Valentine's Day date

Our anniversary was a few days after that and we celebrated a week later by spending the night in Nashville and seeing The Celtic Woman perform at TPAC. It was such a nice, low-key celebration and I had a grocery shopping partner on the way home the next day! (Maybe it's because I don't have kids yet but I really dislike grocery shopping by myself.)

We picked up some 100-layer donuts from Five Daughter's Bakery for breakfast and they were the best I've ever had!

We also had one-year photos taken because that was my main reason for wanting a porch swing picture on our wedding day. I'm so excited to repeat the first photo year after year and see what changes take place!

My mom got to keep Josie Jean at her house a couple of weeks ago and since she was ten minutes down the road from me instead of over an hour, of course I had to go spend some time over there! Have I mentioned how calm and happy this little girl is? She is truly the sweetest child.

experiencing a little "country life" with MaMaw

And, just because I like these pictures I thought I'd share them. National Sibling's Day was yesterday and now that we're all married I had to put these side by side and see the changes!

Jacob's wedding in Texas - May 4, 2007
Stephen's wedding in Hawaii - May 21, 2011
My wedding in Tennessee - February 23, 2018
Amie's wedding in Tennessee - January 11, 2019

That's all for now! The weather has finally warmed up but that also means we've gotten even busier. We're taking all the steps to start building our house but we're still in the paperwork phase. I hope to document every new thing we get to do.

Have a lovely Spring, everyone!

thankful

I want to do "Things I Love Thursday" at least a couple of times a month, but January has flown by so quickly and here I am, on the last Monday of the month, listing the things I'm thankful for. Bear with me, please. This was an emotional month full of changes.

As every January does, this year started out with my birthday on the 5th! Brandon took me to my favorite restaurant and then we did some shopping with our Christmas gift cards in Nashville. While I don't think it's connected with my brain yet that I'm 26 (the 30's side of my 20's) I also feel like I've been 26 for awhile now. Does that ever happen to anyone else? You feel like you've reached another age before you actually have? 

The following Friday night, January 11, my sister married her Isaac. As maid-of-honor (and flower-girls' hair dresser/wrangler) I underestimated the amount of responsibilities I would have and would you believe I didn't snap a single picture of me with her, me and Brandon, or anything else? One of her friends had to send me the picture below! It was a beautiful wedding, and perfectly suited to Amie. Maybe when she gets her professional photos back she'll let me post a couple on here.

Our long-awaited baby for Stephen and Tara, Josie Jean, turned one the next Friday, January 18. I can't even tell you what a little ray of sunshine this sweetheart is! Amie had one of Jacob's boys (Jackson) walk her down the aisle at the wedding as the cutest flower girl you ever did see. She walks so well to be so little and smiled and waved all the way down at the crowd of 300+ people. She's such a social butterfly and makes everyone around her just a little bit happier.

The morning of Saturday, January 19, at around 1:30am, my PawPaw passed into eternity at 86 years of age. I can't write much about it yet because he deserves words better than I have the ability to piece together right now. My dad's parents passed away before I was born, so he's the only grandfather I had. My siblings and I had never lost someone this close to us before, and it's been so bittersweet. We wanted him to go on, his state in this physical world was one we didn't want him to have to endure any longer. He'd been declining for nearly 3 years, and especially these past few months our prayers have been for God to bring him into heaven. Still, it's hard to say goodbye, to see my Grandma without him. Knowing he's not struggling anymore is so sweet, but waiting to see him again is where grief comes in. Josie's birthday party was that afternoon, and many of us still went. It was good to see my cousins that day, to share a bit of our "happy sadness" and see Josie with her beautiful smiles :)

5 children, 17 grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren

That was my January. A lot of other things happened, and we certainly stayed busy. I learned that if Brandon is on a three day trip I'm a big cry baby, I learned that reunions are the sweetest things. We had a lot of church activities, spent a lot of time with family. 2019 started off with a lot of big changes and I know there's only more on the horizon. 

Jesus brings joy to our sorrow! He's so very good. I hope you've all had a wonderful start to your year!

a new year

As I sit here looking at this blank screen wondering what in the world to write, I realize it's been seven years since I started this blog.

I began it as a way to document my missions trip with my friends to Germany so our church family back home could stay in touch. Then I recapped the trip, and as weeks passed I realized missionaries and far-away friends were using it as a way to keep up with our lives here in middle Tennessee.

It became an outlet for the times I wanted to write creatively, a place to spill my heart when I felt surely someone out there could relate, and a place to put pictures of the growth and change that was happening around me.

Today, it is January the second, seven years later. Back then I was a few months from leaving my teen years behind, today I am a few days away from turning 26. If you scan the past few years of this blog's posts you will see a common theme of waiting on the Lord, learning to be patient, questioning the trials He requests from us, the process of a healing heart, and waiting again. And then this past year, I announced my engagement and marriage all in the span of about one month.

God is so gracious to us. This past year has been indescribable. I never would have imagined the smooth transition from being single to marriage. I wouldn't have dreamed Brandon and I would have settled into a new routine and living together as quickly and smoothly as we did. I know it was God's hand on us, His leading us every step of the way.

I'm excited to see what 2019 holds! 2018 was a big year for change, and I imagine this one will be as well. We purchased some land last month, and will be navigating saving, building, and everything that comes along with this new adventure very soon. I will try to post more, include you in our lives and keep you updated on the happenings here in middle Tennessee. 

Thank you for sticking with me via this blog. As infrequently as I post, it is still something I very much enjoy and always look forward to hearing from you.

Have a happy new year, friends!

Christmas Day 2018

lately

Where has the time gone? I had plans to post more often since August, but it went by so fast. I suppose for now this is a "hit or miss" blog, but in 2019 I want to be much more diligent with it.

Right after my last post we celebrated Brandon's birthday at the most beautiful campground near where we live. He'd been talking about camping and they'd been so busy with work so I secretly made the reservation, bought an air mattress, tent, and food, and asked him to take a Saturday off. We spent Friday night there and his family was able to join us for supper Saturday evening. I'm not going to lie, I'm not much of a camping person, and next time we'll use a bigger tent because there wasn't much ventilation in ours! August is a muggy time of year for us, so I'd love to go in May or October sometime!

first weekend in August

Thanksgiving was so much fun! We spent Thursday at my parent's, Friday with my mom's and dad's families, and Saturday at Brandon's parent's. It was a very tiring 3 days, but I'm so grateful to have both of our families close. I don't ever want to take it for granted!

finally home after three days going back-and-forth

While at his parent's house we walked out on their land and picked out our Christmas tree. We were keeping our tiny living room in mind but even the smallest tree in the field was huge in our home! Brandon took it outside and trimmed it a few times and now we have our extra-large Charlie Brown tree and I love it!

Getting it inside Saturday night!

finally decorating after trimming it 3 times

I'll probably do a Christmas house tour sometime because I'm loving the way it looks right now and want it to stay up all the time!

The first weekend in December we went down to Decatur, TN to have Thanksgiving and Christmas with my mother-in-law's family. Brandon and I headed down a day early and got an Airbnb in Chattanooga. We hadn't gone anywhere overnight together since our honeymoon so it was nice to take our time driving down and eating at City Cafe.

stopping at an overlook on the drive down

This past Sunday (December 16) was my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and marked one year since Brandon proposed. It's crazy to me to think that amount of time has gone by!

And now it's time to wrap Christmas gifts (I'm done shopping!), listen to Christmas music non-stop, bake lots of goodies, and enjoy this last week before Christmas. I'm ready for it to slow down. I would love for time to just crawl by this next week. I know that's a pipe dream, but isn't it a lovely one?

Candid photos are my favorite but we never have any of us because every photo we take has to be a selfie! Amie (who's getting married in 3.5 weeks!! Jan. 11) took our Christmas card photo (which I'll share later), and when I got my phone back I found a couple of candids. One was of him getting a bug out of my hair so I'll keep that facial expression to myself, but I liked these!

I can't remember if it was my dad or Isaac or both that interrupted our "photo session" here

I thought he was looking at me, but he was trying to figure out what was stuck in my hair haha

I hope you're all having a terrific holiday season! It's truly the most wonderful time of the year.

year of change

If anyone actually still comes to check this page I will be surprised. Somewhere along the way this blog slipped out of my mind and I simply haven't sat down and taken the time to write.

We've loved using those gift cards from the wedding for date nights! This was at the Chophouse.

I thought once we got past the wedding and settled into our new routine I would come up with a weekly or monthly schedule and post frequently, but then summer hit and time got short, and, well, those are my excuses!

Easter Sunday

June 10 Brandon and I went back to the Mexican restaurant where we had our first date. It was funny to me to think we were marking one year of dating when we'd already been married nearly four months! Time has moved so quickly and so much has happened in such a little while.

 

McDonald's DOES count as a picnic sometimes ;) Especially when you want to try all their new sauces!

Summer is, as always, my favorite time of year. Despite the weird little bugs we keep finding in our house and the gnats slowly growing in number and the mosquito bites and crops of poison ivy it remains the best season of all in my mind! Saturday picnics at the park, a date night here and there, Icees, fishing, simply sitting on the porch swing, fresh fruit, homemade ice cream...I'm trying to intentionally enjoy summer more this year because I blinked once on our honeymoon and here we are in nearly July!

playing Jenga - our guestbook!

To update you on our lives...

We spent a week in Northern Ireland for our honeymoon and it was everything I could've ever hoped for! We stayed in a cottage near the sea, and although it was 78° in Tennessee on our wedding day it snowed every day we were in Ireland. We slept in, ate in cozy "pubs" (had our fair share of fish-n-chips!), and drove along the coastline. We're both quiet people and very much enjoyed listening to their friendly, lilting accents as many of them engaged us in conversation and wanted to know about where we were from and why we were there! It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, and it will forever hold a special place in my heart. One of our friends from church is from Northern Ireland and we stayed in the town his parents live in. They had us over for dinner our first night there and it was a comfort to know there were friends close by should we need anything.

snow outside of the restaurant we ate lunch at after miles of walking, white flowers at the castle we visited, sheep everywhere!, view of the Irish sea on our way "home"

driving on the wrong side, $5 lunch (so. much. food.), the cottage we rented, another snowy drive, freezing at the Harbour

Giant's Causeway, snow at a roadside stop, dinner at the "Mermaid" restaurant (coastal town)

to get closer to the airport in Dublin, we found this castle just 15 minutes away to spend our last night in!

Since then work has picked up for him and I've gotten busier helping with summer camps and other ministries our church has during the summer months. Saturdays off are precious and Sunday afternoon naps are almost tradition now. Cooking for two has been an adventure but I'm starting to get the hang of it! (Mostly thanks to the freezer that was a wedding gift from my brother!)

It's so nice to live 15 minutes from his parents, 10 from mine, and about 2 from the church! He works with his brother every day and I get to see Amie a lot since she teaches piano at the church some. Prayers I was afraid to pray have been answered in such numerous ways and some afternoons when I'm home alone I can be found tearing up because I remember the times I wept and prayed for the things God has given me today. Time, prayer, waiting...it's all worth it, just like everyone always tells you!

I hope you all have a beautiful summer and hopefully you'll be "hearing" from me again soon!

where i've been

If I have any readers left I'll be amazed. Five months is a long time in between posts and if it were a blog I follow, I might have stopped checking back for a new one by now too!

So where have I been and why have I not posted? Since August I've been doing the same things. Being an aunt, working at the church, and I haven't traveled anywhere. But my mind has been focused on something altogether different.

Life changes quickly, doesn't it? And sometimes you can be waiting on something and suddenly all the pieces fall together and God opens your eyes at exactly the second He wants them to be open. You see new possibilities that were there all along, but the timing just wouldn't have been right yet. God asks us to wait for reasons. Beautiful, happy, and yes, life changing reasons.

I'm not going to go into many details yet because something in me still cherishes keeping  my thoughts close to my heart and maybe it's old fashioned or silly, but I don't always want to put a lot of pictures and every little detail out into the public like the majority of the world does now.

But just in case anyone checks back here once in a blue moon, I wanted to put on here that the biggest life change is yet to come. February 23, 2018, I will be changing my last name!

It all started back on June 10 with our first date. On December 16 I said "yes!" (or more precisely, "yes, thank you!") and it's been a bit of a whirlwind getting everything ready in such a short amount of time. If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email and I'll try to get to it as soon as I can!

Because we're both old souls and don't remember to take pictures I only have one of the two of us that we took right after he proposed. I do have this one though that I really wanted to share because like my dad kept telling me, "it's probably right under your nose!"

I'm the girl in the bright striped dress. My fiance Brandon is standing slightly behind me to the left. 

This picture was taken over 20 years ago.

God is so good, isn't He?  He's always working behind the scenes to line everything up so we'll be ready when the time comes.

I'm hoping to write a longer post soon talking about Christmas, my birthday, my brand new niece Josie, and other things, but those might have to wait until after February ;) 

 

august

August is slipping away. How is it that I started out so strong with blogging this year, and then as life began to "slow down" I stopped? I think maybe because as I get older, the less I feel the need to share my thoughts and life online. As time marches on, I do think about this blog and have the desire to keep posting, keep writing, keep updating. But life is changing, and as my priorities have shifted, this blog isn't anywhere close to the top anymore. If you still enjoy reading, I do thank you. I will keep posting, but clearly, just not as frequently and I won't make any promises of how often. 

I think one of the reasons I've slowed down is a simple lesson that time has taught me. Once you've said something - especially on the internet - it cannot be taken back. Once a picture is shared, it can't be unseen. I'm not really ashamed or embarrassed by anything I've ever shared on here, I just know that I want to stay guarded in this world that knows no boundaries. There have been enough times in my life that I look back on and cringe. I don't want to put those moments in a place where they cannot be erased. Once words leave your mouth - or fingers, in this case - they can only be forgiven, rarely are they forgotten.

The months of June, July, and August have fallen through my fingers like grains of sand. One moment I had a tight grip, the next they were gone entirely. I have been overwhelmed by God's grace and goodness. At the age of 24, I have begun to experience things that force me to look to Christ and pay more attention to Him than the circumstances around me. I feel as if these days my main request is for wisdom, while last year I had a bucketful of questions I couldn't even find words for. God can pull us out of our confusion and place us in peace if only we can adjust our focus on Him. I'm still trying, still learning, and a lot of the time it's still a struggle. Trust is simple, really, if we can just only let go of our own weak grasp on control.

On Father's Day, we were given a tangible gift that represented the answer to a specific prayer prayed for so many years. In February, 2018, my oldest brother Stephen and his wife Tara will add a little baby to our family!

July included the wedding of a close friend, and lots of swim days with my niece and nephews. August came and brought with it my friend Faith's sweet baby Judah and a huge creek baptism for our church. Jackson was baptized with several others that day, and who cares that all of us on the bank were hot and sweaty? There's such a sweetness about an old fashioned creek baptizing.

Monday was the day of the great solar eclipse, and we just so happened to live right in the path of totality. As long as I live, I will never forget that day. The photos below were all taken within a few minutes of each other, and the bottom one was around 1:28pm. Two minutes later, it was bright and hot again, but for those two minutes the crickets chirped, stars and lightening bugs came out, and we were surrounded by a 360° sunset. As goosebumps covered my arms I stood in awe of God's creation. How sweet that in a world such as ours, He still stuns the world with the evidence of His existence. How sad that some refuse to see it.

I suppose we're in the "dog days of summer", but as it cools off and September approaches with it's structure and schedules, I hope each of you enjoy it. Thank you for reading even though it's silent on here so often and my writing style refuses to stay the same. I really do appreciate it!