I wanted to document this story here because even though I journal, I also go back through old blog posts occasionally and read the "polished up" stories of my history. I also love reading birth stories and thought just maybe, there's someone out there who would enjoy reading mine.
We didn't find out the gender of our baby until she was born, but we had a boy name and a girl name picked out from the very beginning - before we even knew I was expecting. We didn't tell those names to anyone, not even our family! They knew the middle names would be mine or Brandon's depending on the gender, but that was all. All along I knew I wanted Brandon to tell me who it was I had given birth to.
I was due on December 17, but I was ready to get that baby out by Thanksgiving. Pregnancy was definitely NOT something I have any fond memories of. It was fun feeling her move, but that's where the good times ended! However, nothing was progressing...at all. I believe I may have had some Braxton Hicks but even that I'm unsure of. I was so incredibly swollen and around 7 months my stomach went pretty numb. I'm not sure what I felt beyond discomfort.
I was at the point where I was going to the doctor every week. At around 36 weeks the baby was already measuring over 7 pound so our bags were packed, carseat installed, and Brandon was instructed to have his phone on him AT ALL TIMES! No one thought I'd make it to my due date but after every appointment I had to text my parents, in-laws, and siblings and say "nothing yet".
Finally, at one of those appointments a couple of weeks before my due date, we went ahead and scheduled to be induced on December 19. I love love love my doctor, and this insured she would be on call and I wouldn't miss her by winding up going into labor over Christmas. Plus, this baby was big and none of us thought my body could handle going much longer.
Sure enough, December 17 came and went like any other day. Then the 18th passed us by, and December 19 was here. That week was an eternity long! It was a Thursday, and I spent the day resting, packing the rest of my things, showering and curling my hair, and I made BLT's for supper. We were supposed to be at the hospital at 8pm so we cleaned the kitchen, then tried to watch a show. I was fighting a panic attack the entire time and broke down sobbing on the way to the hospital. I still get weepy thinking about it. It was our last night just the two of us, and oh how I loved my time just the two of us! Brandon will always be my favorite person in the entire world and I was so excited to give him this gift of our baby but I also needed to say goodbye to this phase of our lives. HE played Christmas music the whole way there and pointed out all the houses lit up for the holiday. It's my favorite season, and how special we were on our way to have the best gift of all.
We got checked in and I got checked and sure enough - NO PROGRESS! It's funny now, but we just shrugged our shoulders. Whenever someone would ask me my birth plan I told them I had one step: get an epidural. I'm honest about my lack of pain tolerance, and I was TERRIFIED of labor and delivery. I knew I would have to "suck it up" for the healing process, so I wanted to enjoy having this baby as much as possible. Being induced isn't ideal and I hope next time I go on my own, but I will always hope for an epidural! It was truly amazing (for me).
They started the induction that night and Brandon and I tried to sleep. I was constantly being checked and his "bed" was pretty awful so it was a sleepless night. I don't remember when they started the pitocin but it was sometime the next day. They ended up giving me a pain killer in my IV that allowed me to get some sleep through the contractions, and then that afternoon the epidural went in. I still wasn't progressing much though, and it was pretty disheartening. I was getting so hungry, and I kept sending Brandon out to drive around, eat something...anything to help him kill time. I had really bad sinus drainage my entire pregnancy and this day was no different. I started feeling pretty sick that afternoon and chugging water and sprite to "fill up" my stomach only helped me empty it. I only thought the past 9 months had been miserable...
I finally started progressing more late in the afternoon. We'd pulled an all nighter and just wanted to have this baby! At some point the epidural rerouted itself and I was in a ton of pain. Brandon talked me through each contraction but I was sobbing and the nurses were doing everything they could to help me. I ended up getting a second epidural and relaxed so much. I was talking about how I couldn't decide between Chick-fil-A or Arby's once I could eat again (I craved fast food the whole pregnancy) but at this point we were getting close to midnight.
I don't know what time the nurses checked me, but I was finally close enough that if nothing happened in the next couple of minutes they were going to have to get me ready for a ceserean. Like I said, I had a simple birth plan. I only wanted to get my baby here as safely as possible for both of us. They called my doctor, I gave one practice push, and we were good to go!
I don't know how long I pushed or how many times I did. I remember feeling so sick from the reflux laying flat on my back and they "broke the rules" and let Brandon give me some Tums. He picked a blue one and a pink one and melted all the nurses hearts.
My doctor was the only one who knew the gender so each time a nurse's shift would end she'd tell the next one to text her when the baby was born and tell her what it was. I will never forget pushing (thankfully not feeling a single thing), and feeling like superwoman with the nurses, my doctor, and Brandon cheering me on and telling me how great I was doing. At 2:45am on Saturday, December 21, the baby was finally born. A misconception about epidurals is that you miss the experience...let me tell you, I did not. I fully enjoyed the experience and knew the second the baby was no longer inside of me.
I'll never as long as I live regret not finding out if the baby was a boy or girl. The moment Brandon turned back to me and said, "It's Willa" will forever be engrained in my memory. It's a priceless moment to me, one I'd been looking forward to my entire life. I was shocked because I was convinced it was a boy, and the nurses were crying.
She weighed 8 pounds, 4 ounces, and was 21.5 inches long.
We brought her home on Monday, December 23, 2019.
Our Christmas baby, a little angel.
 |
| My niece Josie was born in January two years ago, and my brother brought a huge bag of her pink clothes to the hospital for us! |
I believe the "fourth trimester" is real and hard, and I'll talk about that (hopefully) in my next post. Thank you for reading!
