September 29, 2016


It's fall, y'all! Actually, it's been fall for nearly a week, but this is my first chance to sit and write about it.

Actually, no, that's not true. I've had many chances, but I made gingersnaps with pumpkin dip one day, and then another day it was chocolate chip cookies for a church picnic. On my day off I went shopping for an upcoming trip, got a whole lot of hair chopped off, and celebrated with a PSL! (pumpkin spice latte...except in frappucino form because it's like sipping on pumpkin pie.) 

Usually I'm reluctant to welcome Fall because I am not a cold weather girl and Fall is the doorway to Winter. However, I've been craving change for some time now and the crisp mornings and cozy evenings are exactly what my soul's been needing. I'm even looking forward to a cold Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year. A new year with new motivation and new chances. Ah, yes, I'm ready for change. Funny how a difficult season can make something you don't normally appreciate so very attractive. I feel like I'm running towards Fall with my arms wide open. Let me forget Summer for a moment and relish in the smells and sensations that are Autumn.

Change is such a funny thing. Some changes we wholeheartedly embrace, welcoming them with every fiber of our being. Some however, even when they are good and the best choice, rip our hearts out in the process. I was reminded of this the other day when one of my older neighbors asked us to help her move. She has made this choice for herself, and in many ways she's excited about it. She will be so relived once she's taken the final step, but regardless of all of that, her eyes pooled up as the rest of her face smiled. Change is difficult no matter how old you are.

72 hours later...

I quit writing 3 days ago because something came up and I closed my folder and it slipped quietly out of my mind. Today, however, I was suddenly bombarded all at once with people emailing, texting, and even telling me in person that it was time for another post. I don't feel like it today. The words I want to write are spilling down my cheeks because they won't form. They are an emotion I cannot describe, cannot pinpoint, do not understand. An emotion I had forbidden, had restrained, but is sometimes stronger than I am.

This changes the entire tone of this post. It started out as a crisp fall morning with a refreshing scent and delicious feel. Now the shadows have lengthened, it's gotten a little musty, and has a slightly bitter aftertaste. I really didn't want to change direction. Change...

I titled this post before I wrote the first word. Before inspiration struck, I had change on my mind. And this is how change works. One morning we've finally let go of those worries and doubts and cares. A few days later we find we've picked them back up and then some.

"Change" has many shapes and forms, can be big or small, can rearrange our lives or simply our minds. We never welcome it exactly the same. Sometimes we're ready, but often we're not.

Ah, friends, I'm laying it back down. I've stopped asking God for help with some things, I've started just giving them to Him. I like to grab them back a lot, I'm selfish and I'm always trying to fix everything, even the things I can't. He is so, so real. You know this, I know this, but we don't always live like it. Sometimes I can't get my prayers past my lips, sometimes He's right beside me, understanding before I've even formed my thought. We should only crave the change He requires. Surrender is so very hard because I don't know where it will lead, but I'm ready to hand it all over.

Have you reached this point with me? You probably reached it long before me. It's taking me a long time, and I have to go one day at a time, slowly changing my mindset, my actions, my heart. It's a painful process, but when I can look back and see the hard choices I've made and His blessings upon them, I'm willing to make more change.

It is time to see how beautiful dead things can be. I refuse to resurrect the old man or to "dig up in doubt what I planted in faith."


  1. This was music to my torn spirit tonight! Oh Kelley, you do have a way with words! I wish I could express myself as well as you do on paper! I feel and pray for you my friend! I am going through some changes myself at the moment and it is never easy! How i wish it were simple and clear! I'm actually in the middle of writing something similar! i don't know if I will be brave enough to post it or not, but I appreciate your honesty. I love ya Kelley and I'm here if you every need anything!

    1. Thank you, Sarah! I've been praying for you as well. I look forward to looking back on these days and seeing what all of the changes produce! :)

  2. It's like you've put words to my thoughts of the last few months. I've never been good at change, and often have a tough time dealing with this unstable world around me. Just the other day, I realized why I have been so discouraged and miserable. I've been living every day just trying to get through. I was telling myself "if I can get through this season, I'll be fine. I just need to get to the next." I am convicted that I have been trying to get out of and rush this season of difficulty, instead of letting God work. He has a purpose for this, so I need to let go of what I think this time is supposed to be. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. I can be happy in this ever-growing, ever-changing time. It has a beauty all of its own; not beautiful like my bestfriend or that sweet mom at church, but beautiful for me. So many times we strive for perfection, instead of finding beauty in the thorns. God uses both the mountaintop experiences and the valley ones for His glory and our good. I'm beginning to realize all over again that I need to let my expectations go, and just let Him change and grow me.
    Thank you so much for sharing!

    1. Thanks for commenting, Miriam! Change = growth = growing pains. Its hard not to compare, but much easier when we try to see things through the eyes of Jesus!

    2. Yes, exactly! It's all about our perspective.

  3. Ahh yes, change. Sometimes desired, sometimes not, though generally marching on along with time throughout our lives while we hold to the Rock that does not move. Sometimes predicted, sometimes sudden, but always we know it is for good if we are seeking the Lord's best! Fall came suddenly up here also - 2 weeks ago it was summer, now it's fall - and we're loving it!

    1. The more earthly changes there are, the more grateful I am for the One who never changes. :) Thanks for commenting, Matthew! Something tells me your fall is a bit chillier than ours. ;)

    2. Broken Dreams

      As children bring their broken toys
      With tears for us to mend,
      I brought my broken dreams to God
      Because He was my friend.

      But then instead of leaving Him
      In peace to work alone,
      I hung around and tried to help
      With ways that were my own.

      At last I snatched them back and cried,
      "How could you be so slow"
      "My child," He said, "What could I do?
      You never did let go."

      -Author Unknown

    3. What a beautiful poem, Mrs. Gina! Thank you SO much for sharing! If I was a poet, I would have attempted to write something like this. It goes with my thoughts during this post so well.