our little one

Willa Marie

December 21, 2019

 2:45am

8 lb. 4 oz. 21.5 in.

The best gift of all.

just a little update

"Baby J" due December 17, 2019

I don't know how many people follow my blog that didn't already know we're expecting, but surprise! I went back and forth about whether or not to make an "online announcement" before the baby was born, but I decided enough people know already that I might as well. 

We waited 12 weeks before telling our families and 16 weeks before telling anyone else. It was so much fun having that sweet little secret between just the two of us and I honestly wanted to wait a lot longer than that. However, when you're sick all the time and starting to randomly get swollen, those things become a bit harder to conceal!

For fun, I thought I'd include the answers to the questions I get asked most frequently...

"How far along are you?"

28 weeks! That means we have 12 weeks left if the baby shows up right on time, which is rare.

"How have you been feeling?"

Pretty good right now. I had all day sickness for about 15 weeks but now the only thing I deal with is heartburn and reflux in the evenings. Oh, and intense swelling thanks to the 90+ degree days we're still consistently having, hence the reason I cropped my feet out of that photo! I can't do anything about my puffy face, oh well! (Yes, I've tried putting my feet up, staying out of the heat, moving around, and laying on my left side. I'm drinking around a gallon to a gallon and a half of water every day so at this point it's just a "hold out til the baby's born" thing!)

"What's the gender?"

We don't know! I've never wanted to find out, but it took some convincing for Brandon. I'm loving the added anticipation and I think it will help me get through the final stretch. (The heart rate has stayed right around 140 for those who like to try to guess gender that way.)

"Do you have names picked out?"

We do, but not even our family knows what they are. We've had names picked out since long before we even started trying and we haven't wavered yet!

"What have you been craving?"

Nothing crazy, really. My favorites have always been those of a twelve year old - pizza, hot dogs, french fries, ice cream...now I just want MORE of those things! I've been enjoying chicken salad and dill pickles more than usual too. Big babies run on both sides of our families so I've tried to watch my weight as much as I can but the swelling is adding water weight I can't control. (None of my cravings point towards boy or girl either, according to all the old wives tales.) Oh, and I guess if I gave in to my REAL craving it would be a McDonald's cheeseburger, fries, and mocha frappe every single day. I can't and wouldn't do that but...I may have given in once or twice.

"Have you been feeling the baby a lot?"

Not much at first, but definitely a lot more now that it's getting bigger. Neither me nor Brandon were very hyper children, so it doesn't surprise me that our baby isn't super active. But it is a very amazing (and very weird haha) sensation!

I'm in my third trimester now and very ready for December! Brandon has been the very best during this journey. Making sure the kitchen was clean and "scent free" during those long weeks of sickness, and sending me back to bed the mornings after I've tossed and turned all night. We're surrounded by family and I couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy experience. My sister-in-law Tara is expecting as well and is due just a few weeks before me! 

We are SO excited! Life is flying by and I know December will be here before I know it. I hope you all had a wonderful summer and enjoy a lovely fall!

home

I heard an old song a few days ago that put the subject of home on my mind and I haven't been able to get it off. It's a secular song so I won't recommend it, but it basically talks about the person you love feeling like home. It reminded me of a quote I sent Brandon once that said, "Falling for him wasn't falling at all. It was walking into a house and suddenly knowing you're home."

I remember the night before our wedding sitting on the floor of my old bedroom weeping as I said "goodbye" to the room that had become my haven the past several years. I was at home with my parents until I was 25 and both of my brothers had been moved out for years. The second floor of our house had become somewhat of a secluded place for me and my sister as we had become adults and each of our rooms had our stamp, our touches, our comfort. It was without a doubt "my happy place" filled with my books and journals and pictures and memories on top of memories of hours spent reading, praying, dreaming, hoping. I had said a teary goodnight to my family but as I prepared for bed and the house grew silent I simply sat on the floor, leaned against my bed, and cried for about 20 minutes bidding farewell to the only place I'd ever called home.

One of my favorite quotes is by Anatole France and says, "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

Marriage was a much longed for change for me, but there was definitely some melancholy and I did expect to experience a little homesickness the first few weeks. Surprisingly it never happened. There was once, maybe a month or so after the wedding, that I was back home one afternoon to pick up some things that it got to me just a little. My mom was in the kitchen and I ran up to my old room. I passed Amie reading in her room across the hall and entered the bedroom that at that point still looked just as I had left it. There was a split second that it all hit me that this part of my life - this very big part - was over forever. There was no coming back. But I had already grieved, and someone else had quickly become my home.

Eleven short months later Amie was on her honeymoon. Brandon went on a 3-day ski trip and my dad was preaching an out of town meeting so my mom and I both found ourselves alone in our houses. Given the opportunity to spend a couple of nights in my old bed I came to the surprising realization that it just didn't feel like mine anymore. Whether my house was empty or not, I had created a new space that I was attached to. This place had Brandon's things, Brandon's smell, and if I was going to be without him for a few days I wanted to be in  a place where I still felt him.

Now, six months later as we take more and more steps to starting our "forever home", the place we are now feels more temporary than ever. We've been saying "I can't wait til..." and "It's going to be so nice to..." We never wanted to feel too attached to a rental and I can safely say we have succeeded. But it has been a home for us and it will continue to be for the next several months.

Last night as we laid in bed I listened to Brandon's deep breathing and felt a panic sweep over me. It's been a tough few weeks. We've both been sick and it's been a struggle trying to get better. It's been incredibly hot and we've been wiped out. I'll admit, I've done an extraordinary amount of complaining. But last night, laying there, I couldn't get out of my mind how much I love this life we have. My dad's messages yesterday were on suffering, and with so much of it around us I feel so incredibly blessed, so thankful for these things I do not deserve. My feelings of panic came with the knowledge that this too, is temporary.

We have another home waiting for us. My PawPaw is there. Brandon's Gramma is there. Our grandparents, our parents, so many people we know and love are anxious to be there too. But me? I like my home here. Perhaps I'm too attached. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm not afraid of my eternal dwelling place. I have simply been so blessed by a merciful God, and I am enjoying those blessings with every fiber of my being. I know there is better waiting but my small, carnal mind just can't imagine much better right now. And so this is how I imagine heaven. It's home. I know enough to know that it won't be like I expect, but if I imagine it different I can't fathom it being as good. So to me, it is my home, it is the people I love and am loved by. It is this life I have but without sin and temptation, worry or anxiety.

I hope we can all come to the place where we see our sufferings as God's purification. Where we see the small blessings as infinite joys. Where we can make a beautiful home with our meager earthly belongings, while looking towards a home our finite minds simply can't comprehend.

Heaven will be our best day ever, magnified and multiplied. Heaven is home, and home is the greatest blessing I know.

things i love thursday

It's been such a good week! I don't have very many pictures, but I am very thankful for the week we've had.

birthdays

My Grandma's birthday was Thursday, so we all got together at her house Friday night to celebrate. We had nachos and birthday cake, and it was good to see her doing well. It's been almost three weeks since PawPaw passed and while we're so thankful he's in a better place there have been some hard days for her, and oh, his presence is so missed.

Dougy had picked out this special rock to give Grandma and she loved it

dreams & dates

Saturday was beautiful and warm. Brandon had off (he works a lot of Saturdays) so we got to sleep in and I made donut holes for us to have breakfast in bed. We finished up some things in the house with the windows open wide and then left to "visit" our land! We picked out a couple of places we think would be good to build, walked around the woods, creek bank, and found an old Pyrex bowl in perfect condition. I've collected them for awhile now, so what a special thing to find and be able to use! We finished the day with date night at Chili's and Home Depot and then grabbed Dairy Queen on the way home. 

We are SO excited to have this property!

how two introverts do date night...ice cream in the parking lot!

more birthdays

My dad's birthday was Tuesday, but it's been so busy lately so we all just got together at my parent's house Sunday between services. Everyone's over there almost every Sunday anyway and Brandon and I rotate Sunday dinner with our families so it was the perfect time. 

After the gift-opening we found ourselves piled on the couch - Isaac & Amie with Lena's bottom half on A's lap, top half leaning against me. Dougy in my lap looking at the picture book Brandon was reading him "not loud enough" ;) I love family time!

other things...

drawing house plans (finally getting them to scale!) | windows open for three days in a row | fresh air | eating with Amie and Isaac in their home (they had us over Monday night) | church meals | fresh, loaded salads | Brandon getting home early | a minute to read outside | restocking my groceries (I only go once a month so this is exciting!) | clean laundry | thrift store finds | anniversary trip plans!

Happy first full week of February! I hope everyone's had a great one.

thankful

I want to do "Things I Love Thursday" at least a couple of times a month, but January has flown by so quickly and here I am, on the last Monday of the month, listing the things I'm thankful for. Bear with me, please. This was an emotional month full of changes.

As every January does, this year started out with my birthday on the 5th! Brandon took me to my favorite restaurant and then we did some shopping with our Christmas gift cards in Nashville. While I don't think it's connected with my brain yet that I'm 26 (the 30's side of my 20's) I also feel like I've been 26 for awhile now. Does that ever happen to anyone else? You feel like you've reached another age before you actually have? 

The following Friday night, January 11, my sister married her Isaac. As maid-of-honor (and flower-girls' hair dresser/wrangler) I underestimated the amount of responsibilities I would have and would you believe I didn't snap a single picture of me with her, me and Brandon, or anything else? One of her friends had to send me the picture below! It was a beautiful wedding, and perfectly suited to Amie. Maybe when she gets her professional photos back she'll let me post a couple on here.

Our long-awaited baby for Stephen and Tara, Josie Jean, turned one the next Friday, January 18. I can't even tell you what a little ray of sunshine this sweetheart is! Amie had one of Jacob's boys (Jackson) walk her down the aisle at the wedding as the cutest flower girl you ever did see. She walks so well to be so little and smiled and waved all the way down at the crowd of 300+ people. She's such a social butterfly and makes everyone around her just a little bit happier.

The morning of Saturday, January 19, at around 1:30am, my PawPaw passed into eternity at 86 years of age. I can't write much about it yet because he deserves words better than I have the ability to piece together right now. My dad's parents passed away before I was born, so he's the only grandfather I had. My siblings and I had never lost someone this close to us before, and it's been so bittersweet. We wanted him to go on, his state in this physical world was one we didn't want him to have to endure any longer. He'd been declining for nearly 3 years, and especially these past few months our prayers have been for God to bring him into heaven. Still, it's hard to say goodbye, to see my Grandma without him. Knowing he's not struggling anymore is so sweet, but waiting to see him again is where grief comes in. Josie's birthday party was that afternoon, and many of us still went. It was good to see my cousins that day, to share a bit of our "happy sadness" and see Josie with her beautiful smiles :)

5 children, 17 grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren

That was my January. A lot of other things happened, and we certainly stayed busy. I learned that if Brandon is on a three day trip I'm a big cry baby, I learned that reunions are the sweetest things. We had a lot of church activities, spent a lot of time with family. 2019 started off with a lot of big changes and I know there's only more on the horizon. 

Jesus brings joy to our sorrow! He's so very good. I hope you've all had a wonderful start to your year!

lately

Where has the time gone? I had plans to post more often since August, but it went by so fast. I suppose for now this is a "hit or miss" blog, but in 2019 I want to be much more diligent with it.

Right after my last post we celebrated Brandon's birthday at the most beautiful campground near where we live. He'd been talking about camping and they'd been so busy with work so I secretly made the reservation, bought an air mattress, tent, and food, and asked him to take a Saturday off. We spent Friday night there and his family was able to join us for supper Saturday evening. I'm not going to lie, I'm not much of a camping person, and next time we'll use a bigger tent because there wasn't much ventilation in ours! August is a muggy time of year for us, so I'd love to go in May or October sometime!

first weekend in August

Thanksgiving was so much fun! We spent Thursday at my parent's, Friday with my mom's and dad's families, and Saturday at Brandon's parent's. It was a very tiring 3 days, but I'm so grateful to have both of our families close. I don't ever want to take it for granted!

finally home after three days going back-and-forth

While at his parent's house we walked out on their land and picked out our Christmas tree. We were keeping our tiny living room in mind but even the smallest tree in the field was huge in our home! Brandon took it outside and trimmed it a few times and now we have our extra-large Charlie Brown tree and I love it!

Getting it inside Saturday night!

finally decorating after trimming it 3 times

I'll probably do a Christmas house tour sometime because I'm loving the way it looks right now and want it to stay up all the time!

The first weekend in December we went down to Decatur, TN to have Thanksgiving and Christmas with my mother-in-law's family. Brandon and I headed down a day early and got an Airbnb in Chattanooga. We hadn't gone anywhere overnight together since our honeymoon so it was nice to take our time driving down and eating at City Cafe.

stopping at an overlook on the drive down

This past Sunday (December 16) was my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and marked one year since Brandon proposed. It's crazy to me to think that amount of time has gone by!

And now it's time to wrap Christmas gifts (I'm done shopping!), listen to Christmas music non-stop, bake lots of goodies, and enjoy this last week before Christmas. I'm ready for it to slow down. I would love for time to just crawl by this next week. I know that's a pipe dream, but isn't it a lovely one?

Candid photos are my favorite but we never have any of us because every photo we take has to be a selfie! Amie (who's getting married in 3.5 weeks!! Jan. 11) took our Christmas card photo (which I'll share later), and when I got my phone back I found a couple of candids. One was of him getting a bug out of my hair so I'll keep that facial expression to myself, but I liked these!

I can't remember if it was my dad or Isaac or both that interrupted our "photo session" here

I thought he was looking at me, but he was trying to figure out what was stuck in my hair haha

I hope you're all having a terrific holiday season! It's truly the most wonderful time of the year.

year of change

If anyone actually still comes to check this page I will be surprised. Somewhere along the way this blog slipped out of my mind and I simply haven't sat down and taken the time to write.

We've loved using those gift cards from the wedding for date nights! This was at the Chophouse.

I thought once we got past the wedding and settled into our new routine I would come up with a weekly or monthly schedule and post frequently, but then summer hit and time got short, and, well, those are my excuses!

Easter Sunday

June 10 Brandon and I went back to the Mexican restaurant where we had our first date. It was funny to me to think we were marking one year of dating when we'd already been married nearly four months! Time has moved so quickly and so much has happened in such a little while.

 

McDonald's DOES count as a picnic sometimes ;) Especially when you want to try all their new sauces!

Summer is, as always, my favorite time of year. Despite the weird little bugs we keep finding in our house and the gnats slowly growing in number and the mosquito bites and crops of poison ivy it remains the best season of all in my mind! Saturday picnics at the park, a date night here and there, Icees, fishing, simply sitting on the porch swing, fresh fruit, homemade ice cream...I'm trying to intentionally enjoy summer more this year because I blinked once on our honeymoon and here we are in nearly July!

playing Jenga - our guestbook!

To update you on our lives...

We spent a week in Northern Ireland for our honeymoon and it was everything I could've ever hoped for! We stayed in a cottage near the sea, and although it was 78° in Tennessee on our wedding day it snowed every day we were in Ireland. We slept in, ate in cozy "pubs" (had our fair share of fish-n-chips!), and drove along the coastline. We're both quiet people and very much enjoyed listening to their friendly, lilting accents as many of them engaged us in conversation and wanted to know about where we were from and why we were there! It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, and it will forever hold a special place in my heart. One of our friends from church is from Northern Ireland and we stayed in the town his parents live in. They had us over for dinner our first night there and it was a comfort to know there were friends close by should we need anything.

snow outside of the restaurant we ate lunch at after miles of walking, white flowers at the castle we visited, sheep everywhere!, view of the Irish sea on our way "home"

driving on the wrong side, $5 lunch (so. much. food.), the cottage we rented, another snowy drive, freezing at the Harbour

Giant's Causeway, snow at a roadside stop, dinner at the "Mermaid" restaurant (coastal town)

to get closer to the airport in Dublin, we found this castle just 15 minutes away to spend our last night in!

Since then work has picked up for him and I've gotten busier helping with summer camps and other ministries our church has during the summer months. Saturdays off are precious and Sunday afternoon naps are almost tradition now. Cooking for two has been an adventure but I'm starting to get the hang of it! (Mostly thanks to the freezer that was a wedding gift from my brother!)

It's so nice to live 15 minutes from his parents, 10 from mine, and about 2 from the church! He works with his brother every day and I get to see Amie a lot since she teaches piano at the church some. Prayers I was afraid to pray have been answered in such numerous ways and some afternoons when I'm home alone I can be found tearing up because I remember the times I wept and prayed for the things God has given me today. Time, prayer, waiting...it's all worth it, just like everyone always tells you!

I hope you all have a beautiful summer and hopefully you'll be "hearing" from me again soon!

august

August is slipping away. How is it that I started out so strong with blogging this year, and then as life began to "slow down" I stopped? I think maybe because as I get older, the less I feel the need to share my thoughts and life online. As time marches on, I do think about this blog and have the desire to keep posting, keep writing, keep updating. But life is changing, and as my priorities have shifted, this blog isn't anywhere close to the top anymore. If you still enjoy reading, I do thank you. I will keep posting, but clearly, just not as frequently and I won't make any promises of how often. 

I think one of the reasons I've slowed down is a simple lesson that time has taught me. Once you've said something - especially on the internet - it cannot be taken back. Once a picture is shared, it can't be unseen. I'm not really ashamed or embarrassed by anything I've ever shared on here, I just know that I want to stay guarded in this world that knows no boundaries. There have been enough times in my life that I look back on and cringe. I don't want to put those moments in a place where they cannot be erased. Once words leave your mouth - or fingers, in this case - they can only be forgiven, rarely are they forgotten.

The months of June, July, and August have fallen through my fingers like grains of sand. One moment I had a tight grip, the next they were gone entirely. I have been overwhelmed by God's grace and goodness. At the age of 24, I have begun to experience things that force me to look to Christ and pay more attention to Him than the circumstances around me. I feel as if these days my main request is for wisdom, while last year I had a bucketful of questions I couldn't even find words for. God can pull us out of our confusion and place us in peace if only we can adjust our focus on Him. I'm still trying, still learning, and a lot of the time it's still a struggle. Trust is simple, really, if we can just only let go of our own weak grasp on control.

On Father's Day, we were given a tangible gift that represented the answer to a specific prayer prayed for so many years. In February, 2018, my oldest brother Stephen and his wife Tara will add a little baby to our family!

July included the wedding of a close friend, and lots of swim days with my niece and nephews. August came and brought with it my friend Faith's sweet baby Judah and a huge creek baptism for our church. Jackson was baptized with several others that day, and who cares that all of us on the bank were hot and sweaty? There's such a sweetness about an old fashioned creek baptizing.

Monday was the day of the great solar eclipse, and we just so happened to live right in the path of totality. As long as I live, I will never forget that day. The photos below were all taken within a few minutes of each other, and the bottom one was around 1:28pm. Two minutes later, it was bright and hot again, but for those two minutes the crickets chirped, stars and lightening bugs came out, and we were surrounded by a 360° sunset. As goosebumps covered my arms I stood in awe of God's creation. How sweet that in a world such as ours, He still stuns the world with the evidence of His existence. How sad that some refuse to see it.

I suppose we're in the "dog days of summer", but as it cools off and September approaches with it's structure and schedules, I hope each of you enjoy it. Thank you for reading even though it's silent on here so often and my writing style refuses to stay the same. I really do appreciate it!

this february week

Thursday it came to my mind several times that I needed to post something. However, even if I'd had something prepared (which I didn't), I'm not sure when I would have posted it. It was just one of those days! It's been a busy week and now, late Saturday evening, each task and event has finally been marked off of the list. 

I truly enjoy being busy. Right now I'd really like a nap but I much prefer busy over bored! 

Here are a few photos I've snapped since last Thursday...

This was the game I mentioned between our original ball team and our current ball team. The current team won, but those of us "Era 2013" cheered our hearts out! It was just as much - if not more - fun than we had anticipated, even though we felt older than our actual age as we went out to eat afterwards and were yawning at 8:30. My dad coached both teams and refereed the game!

Last night was our annual Sweetheart Banquet at church. Due to sickness our crowd was down, and the sign-up sheet kept getting names marked off. Schools are shut down in our town and the surrounding areas for over a week due to the sickness, and I'm hoping it'll taper off soon. Some people are on their second round though, so we can only pray! 

I had the children's group ages 2-4, and we had so much fun! I approached it with a "party" mindset, and even though our group of 16 went down to 8, we had a really good time. I made moon sand, which they could have played with for hours! 8 parts flour to one part baby oil - it smelled good and cleaned up amazingly!

When I told them we were going to do a craft, 3 year old Lena Rae said "If we're doing a craft I'm gonna need help!" We colored while glue dried, played with moon sand and balloons, they read a book, and we had cookies at the end. As 3 year old Dean kept telling us, it was all "too funny". This is one of my favorite age groups to work with!

Our craft - "trees" made out of cutting out their hand shape with hearts glued on for leaves!

Last night we ate supper with a new family in our church. Their youngest son kept saying "watch, Belay!" With the K and L's in my name I've been called a lot of things - Teddy, Keyyey, and Olley. "Belay" is a new one though, and when he finally started putting the "Miss" in front of it it turned into "Be-Kelley". I don't mind! I love all the names they come up with to call me.

This afternoon we had a birthday party for my PawPaw. He'll turn 85 on the 24th and I get emotional thinking about how blessed we've been to have him with us this long. I sat across from him today at lunch and I don't think he said more than five words, but that's PawPaw. Last fall gave us a pretty big scare, and I no longer take a single second I'm with him for granted. 9 out of 17 grandkids were able to make it today, and all 8 great-grandchildren were there.

One of my favorite pictures of PawPaw - taken on a family trip to Gatlinburg when he was 83!

That's all for today, y'all. I'm sorry it was such an uneventful post and that it's two days late. Maybe next week will be better, but real life will always come first! I hope you have a beautiful Sunday! Thanks for reading.

currently

It's 10:20pm and this is the first opportunity I've had today to get on my laptop. This post is as creative as I can get but a new years resolution is a new years resolution, and (at least until February) I'm determined to post every Thursday!

reading

Isaiah. Anyone else have trouble getting Genesis and January to align? I do the thing where I divide how many pages are in my Bible with 365, but it just never finishes exactly right. Sometimes I read extra, occasionally I don't get it all in, and sometimes I like to re-read passages. Whatever happened this time, I'm making my way through this book trying to pay extra attention this time and glean a little more. Please tell me I'm not the only one that goes slowly through the major prophets!

loving

Essential oils. Amie and I got Doterra diffusers for Christmas and my favorite one to diffuse right now is Thieves...or fighting five. It's the immune booster one, and no one's sick right now but I just love the scent! I have several blends but I want to get a few more individuals...does anyone have a favorite they'd like to recommend? I really want to try grapefruit soon. 

anticipating

Sunshine. It's been warm and rainy here which isn't the loveliest weather for January. I'd love some super low temps and snow, but a week of gray skies and foggy drives and wet everything, and right now all I can think about is warm sunshine.

grateful for

God's grace. An update on Collin - he came home the day after his crash to wait for the swelling in his face to go down - he even went to class this week and was at church Wednesday night! He had facial reconstructive surgery today and will probably get to go home late tomorrow afternoon. I can't think about it too much because I start crying every time. He really is a walking, talking miracle. He showed up in my office Wednesday night and as I hugged him I thanked God for the millionth time that he's still here. What a wake up call and reminder that Christ protects His children.

celebrating

Lena Rae. She turns three on Saturday - what?! For my birthday she gave me a night with just the two of us - coloring books, snacks, a movie and gift card to the candy store, and matching pj's. Her personality is so similar to mine at her age, and she and my nephews are growing up way too fast. I thought it was funny when my dad used to tell me he was going to put a brick on my head to make me stop growing...now I get it!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! I'll be back next week.

twenty-four

Ten years ago this coming March, I wrote a letter to myself to be read when I turned 24. I'll be honest and say that when my mom found it during my 20th year I went ahead and read it. I stashed it away and forgot about it until I found it last spring and read it again. I put it in a visible place and haven't read it since then. 

Today is the day I had anticipated myself opening and reading it again for the first time all those years ago when I was fourteen - two months shy of finishing the eighth grade!

I thought I'd share it on here today as a reminder that through ups and downs and happinesses and sadnesses, time does pass. Sometimes it feels like it's standing still, but I remember this day so clearly and ten years have come and gone since sitting at my kitchen table with my journal/stationary book and penciling these words. 

Here we go! (I will take breaks for commentary on each paragraph.)

(Disclaimer: 14 year old me was a bit dramatic and still not that great at spelling!)

03-29-07

Dear 24,

Before this letter is thoughroly written or read, one question remains unasked: Have you been raptured? The Lord, if you're reading this on earth, has not yet come back, so let us proceed as normal.

One question remained...even though I'd just started the letter! I was obviously concerned about how much time I had left - and I remember thinking it was quite possible I could be reading it even if I'd been raptured!

How I envy who you are, 24! I long to grow up! Has the past ten years been what you dreamed of it? Is your name still Kelley [current last name] or Mrs. ______ _______? Have you yet been to Ireland, "Oh, land o' your secret dreams?" What has life given you, what have you given life?

Ah, 14, how I envy YOU! No, the past ten years haven't been all I dreamed they would be when I was 14. If you knew then where you would be now, you might be terribly disappointed. But you haven't yet learned the lessons I have, and this side of some of those dreams yet to be realized really isn't so bad as you might imagine. I haven't been to Ireland, though I wish I could remember where it was I read that line! Incorrectly used, Miss Fourteen - everyone has always known you want to go to Ireland. Maybe someday. You'll go to Australia, though, and Germany and Hawaii and so many beautiful places. They were all so much more than you ever imagined. The Lord has given me much, I have not given back nearly enough.

Are you truly happy, Kelley of 24? Is your heart content, full of love? Does your face wear the smile of peace, and harmony with all? Examine yourself, coveted 24. Who are you, what have you become. Do you, 24, brim over with life, compassion, and joy? Do it. Whatever you need to confess, say, or make known, do it. Before it's too late.

Yes, very very happy. You can't imagine how full of love your heart can get - in two years you'll become an aunt! It's the very best thing you'll experience. 

Months ago that peace was a little elusive, today it is very present. I have become someone who knows that God's will won't always make sense but that peace is a wonderful sign that you're in it. I don't know if I "brim over" with it, but I'm very excited about life and the time and window of opportunity I've been given.

And seriously. Stop being so worried about time.

I'll close with one last warning: Youth is happiness. Never forget, or forsake your youth. Friends that are true, come from your youth. And family ALWAYS MUST come first. Remember that, my blessed 24. Always remember.

"One last warning" - what was the first one? ;) 

Getting older is also happiness, 14. You will LOVE your 20's (except for maybe 23, but 24 is shaping up quite nicely)! Your friends will change, but that's ok. When you are 16 everything will kind of flip-flop. When you are 17 you will make friends who edify you. When you are 18 and 19 you will discover that those friends will be with you through everything. They will cry with you when your heart is broken and they will pray for you as you find your different paths. You will become friends with their significant others and you will love their babies to death. Your family will mean more to you with each passing year. Just wait, 14. It doesn't look like you're imagining, but just gets better and better.

Always remember the dream: PUBLISHED!

Ha! Now there's a dream that's changed. You will eventually realize you aren't a... novelist? Novel writer? You will realize that you don't enjoy writing novels as much as you love exploring the intricacies of day-to-day emotions and growth and experiences. You will start this blog where you can write whatever you feel like and "publish" it yourself.

I wish for you courage, determination, and happiness.

I am now of the past,

14

I then listed on a separate page my likes (reading and writing), what I was wearing (my brother's old basketball jersey), what my family was doing (getting ready for my brother's wedding), my best friends, and who my crush was at that time - in very tiny letters at the bottom of the page. Some things are still embarrassing! ;)

It's fun to see what I was hoping for and how things have changed. In a lot of ways I don't even feel like the same person! Maybe I'll write a dear 34...or maybe dear 30 so I can open it sooner!

my heart is definitely full

Christmas to Me

One of my favorite Christmas songs is by a group I really cannot recommend, but it played on Pandora last year and I really liked it. It's called "That's Christmas to Me", and it just reminded me that while there are so many holiday traditions, the special ones are the ones that each family has for themselves.

Christmas can be a bit of a touchy subject in Christian groups. Celebrate or don't celebrate? Tree or no tree? Christmas music or no?

While my family does celebrate Christmas, and we do set up a tree, and I've had my Christmas cd's playing on repeat, I have several friends who don't, and that's ok. We don't try to shove our beliefs on each other, and we respect the differences in opinion.

But do you know what Christmas is to me?

It's not about unwrapping presents, it's about spending the time picking out those perfect gifts that let the other person know you've been listening, that you truly do know them - likes, dislikes, wants, and needs. You heard, and wanted to do something special for those special people. This year, I'm most excited to give my mom her gift. In one way I want her to open it right now, but in another way, I want to put it off as long as possible because once everything's been given, the excitement of anticipation is over.

Anticipation. That's my most favorite part. The weeks leading up to the 25th. For us, it starts on Thanksgiving Day putting up the tree and the lights and all the decorations. In the following weeks we go shopping, we bake, we stay up late watching Christmas movies. I wish it lasted 2 months, if I'm being honest - it goes by way too fast!

Christmas is about family and friends, and spending quality with those you love the most. It's helping others who are maybe a little lonely or have a little less. 

It's telling the story of Christ's birth over and over while Lena Rae moves our nativity magnets where they go. Mary and "Jophus" making the trip to Bethlehem to have baby Jesus, the angel telling the shepherds who were watching their sheep to find the sleeping baby, and the wise men from the east following the star that pointed to Jesus. Then we move it to the other side of the fridge as we tell it again.

It's our quiet Christmas Day (which we spend as Christmas Eve), playing games, eating good food, and ending with "It's a Wonderful Life". I cannot tell you how much I love this movie, I truly look forward to watching it every year and I don't think Christmas would be the same to me without it.  "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

cousins! matching was a BIG deal :)

It's making Stromboli with the kids and buying them pajamas to wear while we drive around town with our hot chocolate looking at Christmas lights. They're old enough now to remember and realize that it's an annual tradition, and their excitement makes me even more excited. Just the aunts and our nephews and niece! 

I always try to take some extra time to contemplate (and usually write) about Mary and Joseph and what the birth of Jesus must have been like for them. There's no way to even come close to imagining carrying the maker of your own body inside of that body. To nourish and clothe and raise the One who gave you life. If I had the chance to sit down and talk to Mary and ask her questions and hear her stories, I would never stop listening. I would always want to know more. 

Christmas doesn't have to look the same for everyone - indeed, I hope it doesn't! But I do hope you don't get caught up in the commercialism of it. The stress and worry of trying to get everyone you know a present. My friends and I try to get together for coffee or just a talk, but we made a "no gift" rule several years ago because that's just not what it's all about. 

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you a bit of what Christmas is to me and I hope you have a very merry one. I will be spending it in church with my very large "extended" family! Thank you for reading, and I'll "see" you in 2017.