A Hurting Heart

I could sit here and brag about my patriotism, I could sit here and tell you I'm tender hearted, I could sit here and talk about how sad I am.

But the facts are simply I am an America citizen, I do have a heart, and that heart is hurting very much right now.

My heart is with the people involved in the tragedy in Boston. I have cried, I have remembered Newtown, I have remembered Columbine, I have remembered the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, I have remembered...and I have cried, and I have prayed, and I have done it over and over again.

As someone waiting on love, I cannot imagine finally finding it, about to finally, finally say "I Do" and having that person ripped from my life. I cannot imagine having my little sibling or young child suddenly gone. I cannot imagine being in good health, running a marathon, and suddenly I'm missing limbs and knowing my body will never, ever be the same again. And yet, maybe in a small way I can imagine it just a little and that is why I can hurt for them.

Because some sick, twisted, selfish, evil heart took. And killed. And hurt.

And I am afraid to say even that, because what if my family, my friends, my town is targeted next? This is America and this kind of fear is not acceptable.

I am not unlike anyone else. I have wondered what we should do differently. How we could prevent things like this from happening. But I am also not unlike anyone else, who, when we hear about tragedies such as this does not picture my own loved ones. When I close my eyes, all I see are the faces of three precious little boys behind my eyelids.

So no matter what we wish we could do, how much we wish it hadn't happened, it all boils down to the fact that there are hurting, grieving people. And once again, my prayers are with those I've never and will never meet. I hope that all of you are praying for them too.

Why Duct Tape is Important

I wrote this when I was eighteen years old and shared it with some of my friends and family. I stumbled across it a while back ago, and seriously thought I had already posted it. I'm not going to lie, it's one of those things that makes me nervous about clicking the little "publish" button. Just keep in mind that this was written 2 years ago, please! I'm still keeping the promises I wrote about, and I still stick to what it says, I just might word it a little differently these days. ;) I hope you enjoy it, please let me know your thoughts in a comment!

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Someday, I'd like to get married. I really would. I think I'd enjoy it, but first I need to find a groom.

But I'm not looking. Really I'm not. I know I grumble and complain about being eighteen and not having a boyfriend and oh, what if that never happens to me, but in all seriousness, I'm not worried. If God wants me to get married, it'll happen in His time, and I honestly believe He'd like me to. I'm not claiming that He personally told me that, but I believes He gives us the desires of our hearts.

So I'm not looking. Do I expect this Mr. Right to show up gift wrapped and perfect? Pretty much. I am waiting on him.

Yes, I have high expectations, and I believe that's ok. I suppose I expect of him what I expect of me. So to describe what he must be, I have to describe what I must be.

I must promise God to never give away a single smidgen of my heart until my wedding day. He can hold it for me while I wait! And I'll let my dad take care of protecting it.

I must promise to serve the Lord, obey my parents, and treat people right.

I must promise to use my talents for God's purpose, to treasure every moment, and choose happiness every day.

I must purpose to pray for my future husband every single day.

But what is the significance of duct tape? That's easy to answer: I wear a promise ring. They're now called purity rings, but I prefer to call mine a promise ring because of all the different promises I've made. On my eighteenth birthday I got my braces taken off, and when I got home a ring I had picked out a few days before had come in the mail. It's a Celtic design (which is a woven design) and I've decided it's my new promise ring. It reminds me to keep my heart and life woven with Christ, and He'll send me someone that I can weave it with here on earth.

But still, duct tape? Ok, so I read a book over the summer titled "Praying for your Future Husband" and it was written partly by one of my all time favorite authors, Robin Jones Gunn.

In the book, she tells a true story about her son.

I cannot remember his name, nor how old he was, but when he was a teenager he went to a summer camp. One day he was helping tear down a tent, and a girl came up to him. She told him to meet her by the lake that night, and she would let him be the one to give her her first kiss, then she walked off. At that moment, he was peeling off the duct tape that was holding one of the posts together. It occurred to him that duct tape is something so small, so seemingly insignificant, but it was strong enough to hold an entire tent up and prevent it from falling and hurting a bunch of people.

On the spur of the moment, he wound some of this duct tape together and made a ring for his ankle. He promised himself he would not take it off until his wedding day when he gave his first kiss away to his bride and let her cut it off. I believe he was fifteen. (He did not meet the girl at the lake.)

True story!

Over the years, as the tape wore thin and became dingy, he simply added more layers. People asked him about it all the time, and his mother said it began to look like a shackle. But he said it was a constant reminder not to fall into temptation, and through different girlfriends the tape remained on his ankle.

Finally, he met The One. On their wedding day he gave her two gifts: a pair of diamond earrings, and a pair of scissors. She cut through the layers and layers of duct tape and promises, and finally he gave her his third gift: his first kiss.

While I believe this is a little extreme and I would never expect someone to do this, I think it's a beautiful story. A story of kept promises no matter what other people said. A story of a love so strong that before he even met this girl he wanted to give her everything he had. It's beautiful, and if you can get past the "duct tape anklet?" you might smile too.

So yes, I wear a promise ring, and while I never expect my future husband to actually have anything that symbolizes all of this, I hope he realizes the importance of it.

I hope he knows how strong duct tape is.

chilly and wet ♥ march recap

March ended a few days ago, but I'm just now getting the chance to do a recap! It's been cold and dreary with lots of rain - seriously Spring, hurry up! This was a busy month, but not very "eventful" - I've learned those are two quite different things!

March 1 was Christine's birthday (25), an March 6 was Jackson's birthday (3). Because of sickness and other circumstances, we were unable to celebrate with them on the actual days, so on March 7 we had a joint birthday party at our house! I don't have any pictures of that right now - Jackson got a new bicycle though and it was a huge hit!

March 3 - 6 was our annual March meeting. Bro. Lee Cadenhead from Ridge Road Baptist Church was our guest preacher, and he did an amazing job! Other than my dad, he's one of my favorite preachers and we had a really great meeting! Some of our family got to come up a few nights and Jace and I held Sophie - I still can't hardly believe there's a little girl!!

March 16 was the Irish Festival (you've already seen those pictures) and March 17 was St. Patrick's Day. I was the only one in our family wearing green - and I went all out, too! For some reason - I can't remember why - we kept the boys during the evening on March 16 - all I know is I have this picture from that date! :)

March 25-29 my parents were out of town at a meeting, and Christine and Tanner flew down to Texas for a meeting at her dad's church. Amie and I stayed with Jacob and took care of Jace and Jackson while he was at work during the day.

March 31 was Easter Sunday! And yes, we get a little more dressed up for it and wear Spring clothes - why not? :)

Me, Christine, and Amie

This picture makes me laugh so much! Tanner has recently learned how to say "CHEEEESE!" - can you tell? Jackson and Jace in the background really couldn't care less. :)

I hope everyone had a wonderful March, didn't get pranked to badly on April Fools Day, and has a beautiful rest of the month!

Enjoy It

Something happened a while back ago that made me stop and think about something that used to occupy my mind a lot.

My dad and little sister were discussing a decision that had to be made, and my dad told her "I'll make it for you, I'll be your excuse." And I jokingly-but-not-so-jokingly said "Ha! Enjoy that while you can!"

Because I heard recently, for the very first time, my dad say to me "Kelley, I will not make these decisions for you, you're 20 years old and you have to do it."

Now, before you go thinking I never do anything on my own, I'll tell you I've made some pretty huge decisions in my life. I've always sought my parents counsel, I've prayed long and hard, but there have been at least a couple of pretty major decisions that I've had to have the final say on, and so far I believe with my whole heart I've done the right thing.

But the thing is, as we grow, there are always mistakes. If you're a Christian and you truly seek the Lord's will, most of the really huge choices in life will be made with Him in mind and will hopefully be right. The small-ER mistakes - in this situation - are the ones that haunt us. The mean word, the bitter tone, the dwelling on something ugly. Mistakes like those are the reasons that big decisions terrify me.

I enjoyed being a teen, I really, really did. If I had to chose a favorite age, I would without a doubt say the summer I was seventeen. Seventeen is kind of that forgotten age. You have sweet sixteen and then the big one-eight, but seventeen is just kind of thrown in there. You don't have to worry about your drivers test, you have only a year left in school, life's pretty great. My "seventeen" was absolutely exquisite. But something about being a senior and graduating from high school kind of shatters the fairytale, doesn't it?

Being done with school is one of the most exciting things in a young persons life. I remember so well finishing my very last page. I was thrilled, but I'm pretty sure there was a lump in my throat as well. It's an ending, a farewell to a way of life. You're moving on to bigger things, and you feel so pressured about your decisions.

I was, and still am, the "kid who didn't go to college". Can I just say, for all the non-college goers like myself, that it's OK? It is NOT the easy way out, and you feel so, so judged. And to be honest, it's not the adults or teachers that make you feel the worst, it's the juniors and seniors in high school who've had their lives planned out since the 6th grade that make you feel like a failure. When they're the one's saying "Wait. So you're NOT going to college?! Why NOT?!" Because I don't know who I am or what I want anymore, that's why not! "I just don't think college is for me right now."

Not going to college was a hard decision for me. I'm not sure if many people know that, but it was. All throughout high school I really did think I might go. When I was seventeen we went on a trip to Washington D.C. and I fell in love with the history there. I thought I could live there, go to GWU, but it was so far away. I researched different schools, ordered information, and decided the one I wanted to go to the most was Lincoln Memorial University. 4 hours away from home, my family, and all of my friends. I had zero peace about it. I looked into correspondence and a few schools closer to home. Still no peace about college.

I graduated a couple of weeks before we left for Hawaii for my brother's wedding, and I decided to just think about it over the summer. The months passed, and I decided a gap year would be a good idea. I could earn some money, we could pray about it some more, and I would have time. Precious time.

I don't recommend a gap year for everyone. During mine, I babysat twice a week, earning enough money for gas, insurance, and savings. On the days in between I slept in, read books, and got very lazy. That December I got peace about my decision. College simply wasn't for me. I think my parents knew all along, but the decision was mine. I made it, and I've never regretted it. I truly wanted the Lord's will in this area, and I know that this was it.

It was time to get serious about a job or something, because marriage wasn't (and still isn't) in my near future. As our church grows, there is more work to be done. More paperwork, more typing, more letters going out, more filing, and someone needed to do it. I've been working part time as a secretary of sorts. I kind of do a little of this and a little of that and a lot of sitting behind my laptop. I'm learning as I go, and I'm content with where I am.

Almost content, anyway. Aren't we always striving for more?

So to my little sister, to the ones still in school, to the ones younger than me, to the ones older than me. To the college students, the newlyweds, to everyone. Enjoy this period in your life. Make the most of it. There will be changes, and the older you get the more responsibility you get. Take a minute and make some memories.

I remember being broke, almost out of gas, but all I needed was a dollar and a dime for Sonic after church on Sunday night. My friends and I would sit outside at a picnic table, counting out pennies for the poor waitresses and complaining about how hot it was.

I remember being sick when my mom and Amie went to an auction, when my dad was out of town, and when Jacob was at work. Stephen was home for the weekend and we both slept in until almost 10. We made a frozen pizza and watched Gone With the Wind and stayed in our pajamas all day.

I remember the very first time Amie and I stayed at home overnight by ourselves and neither of us slept a wink, and we crept through the house at 3:00am because we were pretty sure someone was there.

I remember long drives out in the country, exploring old roads with the windows down and Jacob revving up the engine on that big ol' loud Dodge, a black cloud of smoke following us close behind.

I remember picking buttercups by the river with Daddy, coming home scratched and bleeding from thorn patches and learning to skip rocks.

I remember the very first time I went shopping with Mama all by myself and I bought Amie a purse because I felt bad for getting all the new stuff, and we ate at Red Lobster for the first time and I decided I hated sea food.

I remember Christine taking me and Amie shopping when she and Jacob were recently engaged, getting to know her future little sister-in-laws, and now remembering that and hoping I will do the same thing some day, because it meant so much to us.

I remember getting a birthday card from Tara that didn't just have a signature, but a long letter in it, personalized with little details just for me, and thinking "Stephen better marry her."

I remember Jace calling me "Olley", Jackson still calling me "Teddy", and waiting on Tanner to say something, anything.

And someday, when I'm 25, I'll remember sitting behind my laptop, smelling the coffee coming from the coffee pot, and knowing that in a few seconds, everyone would be in that office/kitchen space, fixing their coffee, making fun of each other, and then getting back to work.

I'll remember crying as I hugged Hannah goodbye at her wedding, and crying as I'll hug Faith goodbye when she leaves for PNG again. I'll remember the excitement when I see that they're online, or when I get an email.

I'll remember my fear at the decisions I have to make, and I'll laugh at them. I could write another post right now on fears, but I'll save it for another time.

Please remember, you only get to live today once, so enjoy it. Enjoy every bit of it.

Irish Festival

We took a group this year to the Irish Festival in Erin, TN. We sang with a group from Bible Baptist, passed out tracts, and Bro. Earl Ankrom preached and Bro. Mike Gibson did some slight of hand tricks. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and we had so much fun! Here are some pictures from the day. :)

Bro. Jim - our wonderful and capable driver :)

Faith and me

Bro. Mike

Faith and me

Hannah, Amie, Faith, me, James, and JD

Hannah, Amie, Faith, me, and Grace (James in the back :))

JD eating "those nasty fries" :P

Grace, Amie, Hannah

Listening to Bro. Jim play the banjo

Bro. Mike

Bro. Earl

"Would you like a tract?!"

Amie, Bro. Jay, Grace, and Hannah

Face the Dream

Don't we all love to dream? To set goals for ourselves to one day accomplish. To imagine wonderful things happening in our lives - some realistic, some not. To be famous, to be a mega-millionaire, to travel the world five times, those dreams come to very few. The dreams of graduating, falling in love, having a family, these are the dreams that life is built upon.

As a Christian, finding the will of God is the goal we set for ourselves, and build it upon faith. We dream of the day when we can look back and see His hand guiding us to the place we are. To see His work in the lives of our friends and family, to see His desires become our desires, no matter where they may take us.

But, for most of my life - because I'm only 20 - those have all just been dreams. My friends and I loved talking about where we would end up. It was a given we probably wouldn't always live in the same town - how many people that grow up together do? It's just reality. The one thing I can look back on and be "proud" of, is that we all dreamed of being in the Lord's will. We would talk about how amazing it would be if we were all in different states or countries, raising our families as missionaries or preachers children, serving the Lord all over the world. Coming back to our church every few years and seeing each other at Missions Conference, meeting everyone's children, catching up on the years and the blessings of God.

But now, those dreams are slowly beginning to come true. One of my friends is already married and living in another state, and another friend is about to graduate and wants to go to back Papua New Guinea for a little while. A couple of guys in our Youth Group have talked about what deputation might be like, and everyone's getting jobs and everyone is busy. We're each facing the dream of growing up.

And it's not just exactly like I pictured it.

You see, in dreams there are no tearful goodbyes. There are no conflicting emotions - those of extreme excitement and of heartbreak, mingling together and making you crazy. When your dreams require you to let go and release other smaller dreams, your heart hurts like you never knew it could. You are happy, deliriously happy, but that little dreamer inside of you is saying "this is harder than I thought it would be."

No one has the exact same dream. No one's path directly follows that of their childhood friend. We all have different journeys that we must take. My friends and I do not yet know exactly where our adventure will take us, but in the very end we will all be in the same place.

Dreams are fun, but one day, they will be staring right at you and you will have to face them with excitement and fear. And if your desire is the Lord's desire, then any fear and concern you have will be drowned out with the knowledge that it is right.

Do not follow your heart, for "the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked." Follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and watch His perfect will become your dream.

Let me introduce to you...

...a blog. :)

Three boys from our church are leaving Friday, March 15, for Papua New Guinea. I do believe our church has an infatuation with PNG, this is the fourth time we've sent someone over there!

If you'd like to "keep up" with them, the blog is Papua New Guinea Missions Trip 2013. Hopefully we'll hear from them at least a few times while they're gone, because after all, they are boys. ;)

The ones going are Collin, Connor, and Drew - you'll get a little more information about the trip from their first post. If you were keeping up with my blog last August during our trip to Germany, then you've read a "guest post" by Drew and Collin - Connor is Collin's brother.

I hope you'll keep them in your prayers as they go on this 3-week journey!